Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Peace in the Valley

Okay I'm back... Chris is outside chopping logs and chewing beef jerky. Not really :)

Anyway... I've still been thinking a lot about peace, prayer and the Valleys in life. Mainly because this is my valley, July and August. Every year the valley stings a little less.. but none the less it's a valley. I am humbled by the lessons I have been taught by a baby that weighed 1lb 14oz. and was with us for only 9 days.

Early on my prayers went something like this, "Lord I don't think I can do this.. I know that I'm not strong enough please give me strength to make it through somehow." Guess what He held me... and I made it through.

Then when I was told Joseph was going to die my prayer was different, "Lord please... don't take Joseph from me... I pray for a miracle, for healing for him and for your will." Normally praying for God's will to be done when you want something so badly can be so scary but this was different, I felt peace. I knew that Joseph was going to be okay. I know that it sounds funny but I had incredible peace about Joe. That was not the case with Matthew, the night Matthew got sick I knew he was going to die (2 days later). Matthew's little hat was off and he had a fever and they suspected infection. A big deal in NICU but not always fatal, but with Matthew I felt it.

As the years have gone by my my prayers have been "Thank You Lord for giving me strength to make it through all these years, help me to be thankful for all of the blessings you have given me and please allow me to be a light to who you are."

I have always had peace with Matthew's death. I always thought maybe it was because we were able to decide when enough was enough and remove life support, but I always hear the words of my pastor in the back of my head and they have brought enormous comfort, no PEACE to me. He was talking to us about when David And Uriah's baby died in 2 Samuel 12:15-23. And when he was done he said the words that meant more to me than any other words I think I have ever heard..... he said " I can tell you two that when Matthew takes his last breath on earth his next breath will be in heaven and he will be a grown man and he will know far more than you or I could ever fathom." The peace that I received knowing that Matthew would be a grown man and not a baby.... pure joy!!! And that he would already know all of the secrets of the world!! How amazing!!

Yeah, I may be in a valley, but I'll make it through and the fact that when I take my last breath on earth and my next will be in heaven and I too like Matthew will be with God and worship at his throne. What peace in a valley! My prayer is that you will have peace in the valley as well.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

What a Blessing you are! Love, Mom