Friday, September 5, 2008
WE HAVE BEEN VANDELIZED!
It happened so quick...we feel so helpless...
The vandal struck somewhere between the wee hours of 8:12 pm and 8:16 pm. The smell of the permanent marker still wafts in the room.
Ironically, my wife and I were watching the Cosby Show when the perpetrator struck our kitchen with such hatred and vengeance. We are still shaking.
She was like a torrent of rage. Filled with the terrifying fires of anger and desperation. Her eyes swirling with the emptiness of hard crime and spoiled milk.
From the varying accounts of the low-life's escape, we have pulled together this brief description.
Height: 2' 8"
Weight: 23lbs 7oz (give or take an ounce)
Hair: brown, straight. Somewhat messy with peanut butter
Clothing: Last seen wearing snow man pajamas
Aliases: Carlsbad, Boo, Thunderbootie or NightHawk Ninja.
She was last seen stumbling around the living room, talking in incoherent jibberish. Possibly intoxicated or on some kind of hallucinogenic pacifier trip.
IF YOU SEE HER. KEEP YOUR DISTANCE. SHE IS AN OUTLAW. A SCOUNDREL. A VICIOUS DESPERADO WITH NO RESERVATION TO HURT AND MAME. LIVING ONLY TO DRINK THE NECTAR OF SWEET LAWLESSNESS.
(Thanks to our friends at Dawn Laboratories, Laura was able to remove the graffiti with a little elbow grease and a healthy dose of Dawn Power Dissolver. We highly recommend it.)
Posted by Laura Swymeler at 8:56 PM