Dear family and fans of this testimony to God's grace and forgiveness.
It has come to my attention that my lovely and grace-filled wife has proposed a rather public poll. The contents of said poll described a rather personal and somewhat "heated" debate as to the villain in a rather sad and unfortunate case of camera cleansing via the washing machine.
It has also been drawn to my attention that perhaps the poll indicated that my perspective on the incident has been met with less than positive numbers. Although I usually take pride in my humble demeanor and would normally just say, " I am sorry." and get on with life, I have hereby decided to take a more juvenile approach and come up with my top 10 reasons it is not my fault. Hope you enjoy.
1. The pockets on my jeans are too tight, and the camera was impossibly wedged in. The hope was the warm water would loosen the stitching, thereby making it possible to remove.
2. Blue jeans are by nature, water resistant. I was merely scientifically testing the theory with an object of significance.
3. I was hoping to capture, from an inside perspective, the cause of recent odors that emanate from the washer drum. Apparently the timer doesn't work under soapy water.
4. What goes in the washer must go in the dryer. Obviously, because the camera was pulled out of the washer and never allowed it's due time in the dryer, the natural cycle of wet to dry was broken. Therefore, the camera doesn't work but only based on that premature cycle stopping.
5. The camera shoots color pictures. Our laundry detergent is generic. Had it been "Color fast All"...well that would have been a completely different story.
6. I lost a necklace down the drain. The camera was on a recognizance mission. I need pictures if I am to disassemble the plumbing...right?
7. I had just taken images of the lovely present I was going to buy for my wife. I had placed the camera in my shirt pocket to keep the surprise from her. Apparently it slipped out of my pocket while I was doing the laundry. I guess, because we had to replace the camera, the Lexus will just have to wait.
8. The copy on the side of the camera box when we bought it said to "Take it for a spin." I was just following orders.
9. I had been slaving all night cleaning the house, while my family slept. Apparently somewhere between the 3am toilet scrubbings and the 4:15am window washes, it slipped into a load of whites.
10. I love my wife. And she was frustrated with that camera anyway. I wanted her to have a new one, because she really does take great pictures. I knew she wouldn't just go out and buy one. She is too conscious of our finances to spend money frivolously on herself. This was the only way I could help her out.
How'd I do? Any of those sound familiar? I know, I know. Take it like a man. Therefore, honey, I am sorry. I was wrong to leave our camera in my pants. I didn't mean to ruin it. I will try to watch my pockets better in the future. I am grateful that you do so much around the house, like clean and wash the clothes. You are a great wife and great mother and great friend. I never want something as trivial as a camera to snuff out the love and commitment we have to one another. You are my soul mate, my gift from God.
I love you.